Talk Sex?

Sexuality is often one of those things people have great difficulty
discussing. So much of the time, people have sex, but they do not have
discussions about sex. I wonder how many of you do not really discuss
sex with your partner(s).

I see many people in my office and on the phone who are very sexually
active and are quite open minded. However, it is very interesting to
see that so many of them do not have solid adult to adult conversations
about sex. The lack of these conversations seems to result in
misunderstandings. I think of the classic story about the woman who
fakes her orgasm because she is afraid to tell her partner what feels
good. Maybe she thinks her partner will be offended if she asks him/her
to do a little less of that or a little more of this. Once the pattern
has been established, she has been "faking" for years! Wow, how do you
get out of that one?

I also see many couples who end up with diseases or feeling let down by
their sexual experiences. This is all because there is not honest face
to face discussion before the sexual activities begin. Remember, your
partner(s) is not going to know what feels good to you unless you tell
him or her! This is very important. Sometimes, the lack of
communication causes one to be lax about safer sex…and disease(s) happen.

I want you to look at how comfortable you are TALKING about sex, not
having it. Chances are, if you are able to increase your comfort level
with discussing this, then you will have a much better and safer sex life.

Prescription Sex Enhancing Drugs

Drugs = better sex?? When we watch TV, we get this message. If we
subscribe to much of the popular culture, we get this message. Is it
true? Well, I don't subscribe to this philosophy. Of course drugs can
enhance sex, but it often does not work and certainly has its drawbacks.

I see many people in my office who are having some sort of sex
problem…like lack of desire, impotence, or just boring sex. Often, they
have turned to prescription sex enhancing drugs to help them. Usually,
they are quite surprised when these drugs do not work as advertised.
Other times, I get couples who use illegal drugs to enhance their sexual
experiences. Again, they end up falling short. It might work
fantastically at first and then quickly lose its effects. Many drugs,
especially cocaine, end up having a negative effect on the sex life
after time.

So you may be wondering why I say these drugs often do not work. If
there is simply a physical problem, then these sex-enhancing drugs often
do the trick. Here is the kicker—Many people rely on drugs to help
their sex life because they have emotional and communication
difficulties that make sex very difficult. No matter the issue, if a
person relies on drugs to help them with a problem with communicating,
thinking, or behavior, it will not work unless they also make changes in
their attitude and lifestyle. People who rely on drugs alone often have
little benefit.

I want everyone who is using a drug to enhance their sex life to really
look at why they are choosing this as a "remedy." Is it a result of
difficulty talking about sex, feelings of guilt or nervousness during
sex, maybe it is the fact that you are angry with your partner and this
is making it difficult to perform. Would you believe that some people
take sex-enhancing drugs because they have so much anger towards their
partner that they are unable to become aroused without chemical help? I
know this exists because I have talked with several who admit this problem.

I am urging everyone who uses these sexual enhancing drugs to think
about the emotional side of sex and ask themselves if this is impacting
the actual mechanics of sex. Of course, if there is a physical or
hormonal problem causing sexual difficulty, then sex-enhancing drugs are
often beneficial.